Learning Security
Sometimes, I don't like me.
It's often when I'm tired. Usually right before or after I've been in public for an extended period of time. (I promise I'm not a recluse...yet.) Misplaced words, awkward moments--they come back to haunt me in quiet times. The mirror doesn't always paint the prettiest picture, either. Somehow I am always falling behind, and images of people whispering about my incompetence become vivid nightmares, convincing, no matter how untrue.
But Jesus loves me. Shouldn't that make a difference?
Well, yes. But my heart screams, "Why?!" Where do these beautiful, Christianese concepts become reality? What would it take for me to escape insecurity and live the words I've been told my whole life: "God thinks you're beautiful. You're His masterpiece. He loves you. His opinion is the only one that matters."
Pretty words. Difficult application. God's opinion often seems so...outdated. Not nearly as real as the opinions of all the high school girls I'm trying to fit in with. But those lines must have come from somewhere true, or they wouldn't be part of common Christian vocabulary. So where does the truth apply for me, for real, today?
I don't know yet. I'm asking God, because I'm done with living this way. This summer will probably be an investigation in security in Jesus. Stay tuned for more....
It's often when I'm tired. Usually right before or after I've been in public for an extended period of time. (I promise I'm not a recluse...yet.) Misplaced words, awkward moments--they come back to haunt me in quiet times. The mirror doesn't always paint the prettiest picture, either. Somehow I am always falling behind, and images of people whispering about my incompetence become vivid nightmares, convincing, no matter how untrue.
But Jesus loves me. Shouldn't that make a difference?
Well, yes. But my heart screams, "Why?!" Where do these beautiful, Christianese concepts become reality? What would it take for me to escape insecurity and live the words I've been told my whole life: "God thinks you're beautiful. You're His masterpiece. He loves you. His opinion is the only one that matters."
Pretty words. Difficult application. God's opinion often seems so...outdated. Not nearly as real as the opinions of all the high school girls I'm trying to fit in with. But those lines must have come from somewhere true, or they wouldn't be part of common Christian vocabulary. So where does the truth apply for me, for real, today?
I don't know yet. I'm asking God, because I'm done with living this way. This summer will probably be an investigation in security in Jesus. Stay tuned for more....
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