Twenty-Five Thoughts For Twenty-Five Years

 

Tomorrow, I will have officially lived a quarter of a century! I feel perpetually stuck at 22, so this one is an adjustment. It’s the first time I feel a little existential about getting older. Nevertheless, it seems worth honoring the good and the hard of these twenty-five years and how they have taught me. Here are 25 little profundities from my life so far:

1. Silence and stillness are the backbone of healing relationships and fruitful lives. Remove them and everything suffers. Prioritize them—in your days and conversations—and things begin to fall into place.
2. Ask permission. Consent matters in all contexts, not just sex. Abstinent Christians are perhaps the people who must learn this the most. Ask permission to offer advice, opinions, probing questions, recommendations, and touch. Consent gives people the space and safety to be themselves.
3. The earth is a good gift from God. It is also finite. Our call to have dominion over it is an adventurous invitation to creative stewardship, not a consumerist initiative to use it up. And it’s okay to learn slowly how to respond to the call.
4. In order to heal, most people need to be listened to, not told what to do.
5. In the words of KJ Ramsey, “My body is a prophet.” Our bodies tell the truth in moments we may not be willing to. We need to listen to them. Sickness and pain are always trying to tell us something.
6. Small consistency is better for growth than herculean effort.
7. If you would change the world, first get enough sleep. You’ll be ten times more yourself and that’s what the world needs.
8. People’s pain is holy ground. Any time you find yourself in that space of their hearts, tread gently and kindly. And recognize that anger, defensiveness, insult, stonewalling, and all other forms of lashing out often mean you have entered that territory unawares.
9. Actively seek belly laughs. They nourish us.
10. To quote Ted Lasso, “All people are different people.” One experience with a certain kind of person does not mean all of that kind of person will be that way. Open minds and open hearts matter in every encounter.
11. There are huge similarities between grief and childbirth. The same skills are employed in supporting both: patience, intuition, kind words, firm but gentle touch, and a robust belief that a person is usually stronger than they feel. Both require leaning in and surrendering to the process. And in the end, both journeys lead to fuller life.
12. Honoring and embracing the suffering that comes to us is what deepens us and gives us wisdom. I will always trust the suggestion of a person who has leaned into suffering over that of someone who has avoided it.
13. Learning should never stop. The cessation of learning can mean the beginning of a soul’s irreparable atrophy.
14. Chastity and sobriety are overlooked and glorious virtues. They present enormous invitations to freedom and life.
15. Trees and animals and dirt and sunlight and water are ingredients for increased happiness.
16. Most people these days are anxious. That’s our reality and it’s okay. We need to put in the time to learn how to soothe ourselves, rather than denying or trying to “solve” our anxiety.
17. Rest is a skill. It takes practice. “I’m not good at that” is a bad excuse not to do it.
18. Fear is a healthy and insightful voice to consider, but if it has the final say, it’s wrongly prioritized.
19. Maturity is being able to hold two juxtaposing things at once.
20. Never underestimate the healing power of a great couch, a good book, a cup of tea, or a blanket. Coziness has saved my actual sanity more than once.
21. We all need intimacy. And honoring that need is way less about finding a romantic partner than it is about finding people who see you and love you all the way down.
22. We cannot be fully alive without being vulnerable.
23. People usually believe things for good reasons. When you disagree with someone, before writing them off or spouting your opinion like a bull in a china shop, look for the good reasons.
24. I have not yet found a reason to regret honing my taste for good art and music.
25. Each day is full of opportunities for both celebration and lament. Do not neglect either one.